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Live Strong
Copyright 2005 Bridget Nolen
Lance Armstrong won his 6th Tour de France this year,
transforming him from an American hero to an American icon,
a survivor of cancer who beat the odds, along with a
handful of other competitors. His journey and triumph, in
every sense of those words, has provoked a campaign for
cancer awareness that has become quitetrendy. Wearing
yellow bracelets that resemble thick, sturdy rubber bands
engraved LIVE STRONG is both a way to show your support
for people in another group as well pronounce a sort of
membership in your own. To date the Lance Armstrong
Foundation has sold more than 13 million bands. Regardless
of whether its a trend or not, the proceeds have gone to
cancer research, so the true reason people have for wearing
those bracelets is somewhat beyond the point. An article I
read titled "Bands of Honor" explained that these bracelets
along with others that have been popular "symbolize
friendship, values, beliefs and connections, and are a
subtle way to wear your heart on your sleeve, er, wrists."
In asking those that have worn or are aware of what these
bracelets represent, I have discovered that Lance
Armstrong, who has already succeeded in winning so many
races, against competitors, against time, against
obstacles, has also succeeded in putting us all on a
personal journey towards living strong.
I discussed the meaning of LIVE STRONG first with my
girlfriends this summer as we drove to the beach, armed
with bagels despite the low carb craze, emerging from a
house of 15 girls that in no way paints the picture of
health, recovering from another consecutive late night. It
all causes us, for the most part, to be careless with just
about every part of our bodies, including out hearts. I
wondered out loud if we were being hypocritical by wearing
these bracelets. Even as I ask this question aloud to my
friends I silently marveled at the art of wearing so many
different faces in one lifetime- that of a school teacher,
a sister, a nurturer, a single (late) 20 something, a
friend. I question whether these faces are somewhat evident
at work, whether I am more transparent than I think,
whether I let anyone of them define me, and whether while
wearing any of these faces, I am setting an example of
living strong. As I momentarily gaze out the window
overwhelmed with these regressions and engrossed in the
sounds of Bruce Springsteeen singing the sound track of a
life that resembles mine, I am rightfully interrupted with
my girlfriends response. She says, simply, I guess it
depends on how you define living strong. It has to be about
what it means to you.
So, Ive gotten to thinking what Live Strong means to me,
at 26, when about the only thing I know for sure is that it
meant something different before and will mean something
new in the days ahead. I define my strength these days as
being true to yourself. As simple as it sounds, its not an
easy task. I feel that I have put great effort forth to
travel the miles it took to get here, often choosing the
road less traveled, often choosing my own needs when I
previously never knew what that meant, often not choosing
at all and just letting it be. The road ahead seems
endless, but unlike many others that I love in my life, the
road ahead is not set in stone, but paved in all that I
learned about love and strength and living. Everyday I
doubt whether thats enough, whether the strength thats
required is within me. I understand that an open road is
full of fear as much as it is possibility. I know that
living strong is the key.
I have struggled much of my life with feeling other peoples
feelings as if they are my own. When meeting and knowing
people, I have, for the most part, always overlooked
appearances and have had a gift for seeing their heart.
This means that often their needs have come before my own.
I remember being young and my mom sitting me down everyday
before school and reminding me to look for the child who
was sitting alone in the cafeteria and imagine how that
child must feel, then do something about it. As an adult,
I, like my mother is in many ways, am generally low
maintenance to a fault. As much as I may be realizing that
my clothes dont fit and I dont have anything new to wear
and I just dont appear put together and it can all
overwhelm me enough to send me straight to bedit has never
been a priority in my life in some sense. I dont get my
nails done, or shop at expensive stores, or wear a lot of
make-up, or even pay attention to any of these things on
other people. Its both a blessing and a curse. A blessing
because it has given me a clear sense of what's important
in life and what's not. Even when I was young, I was pretty
on top of my priority list. It has made being an advocate
for the children I teach an obligation instead of a choice.
It has driven me to do all that I can as a teacher, knowing
that the curriculum I teach, the methods I use, the
tolerance and patience I demonstrate, all help to shape not
only my childrens minds but the people they become. A
blessing because my mind is constantly working to make it
all better and more efficient; to become better educated
and clear- for myself, my friends, my children, my
colleagues. It has allowed me to be empathetic with my
friends and family when perhaps no one else would. They
count on me to listen. It's such an undervalued trait, to
be able to REALLY listen. It has forced me to forgive. When
you lead with your heart, you understand that people screw
up once in a while.
On the other hand, its a curse to forgive to a fault, to
stay when I should go, to allow my empathy to keep me up at
night, and my work to act as escape from the rest of my
life. Overall, I have to believe that being self-aware is
living strong. Its being conscious of both my strengths and
weaknesses that give me the power to enhance, improve and
change them. An anonymous quote I came across A strong
woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey,
but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey
that she will become come strong.
I wondered about other peoples self-awareness, especially
the people I am close to; whether they realize that it is
often their definition of living strong that defines who
they are, dictates how they do their job, guides how they
raise and teach children, how they are a brother, a sister,
a partner, and a friend. I thought about how their ages
and experiences, jobs and journeys, all contribute to what
they believe strength really is. In many ways I have let
their definition of strength shape my own. I thought
carefully about who I asked this question to, and made sure
that in some way each of them has taught me something about
strength. I know that for some of the people I was asking
them to think deeply in a way that they are not use to, to
share with me more in written word more than they have done
in casual conversation, to risk saying something that might
brand them as a certain kind of person with certain kind of
views. What they didnt know is that I already knew them
and loved them and have spent quite a bit of time
understanding them. So much so that while what they said
was not predictable, it was a testament to my unconditional
respect and love. I ended up being more surprised by the
people that rose to the occasion, whether that is in one
word or fifty, than the ones that didnt. But recognized
that the people that did were the people that are also very
self aware of themselves and of the people around them,
they have taken the time in their life to know themselves
and assess whats important to them. In all cases, these
are the people that I directly quoted. Here are some of our
thoughts.
Learning from Children
I asked my first graders to write their definition, aware
of the fact that this might seriously affect their
interpretations given that what they could write and what
they can say are two very different things. But asking them
to write forces them to think, as it does most people
regardless of age. Although many people would not choose
this as their medium for expression, we are less likely to
say in writing what is on the top of our head and more
often to say whats at the bottom of our hearts. My
simpletons said, "to live strong means to liveand be
strong. When asked to expand upon their literal
interpretations they give me some "kid" explanation that
resembles "it is what it is." I am thankful for their
inability to over-think. They balance out the rest of us.
My thinker who already has the ability to make connections
between just about everything she's ever learned says," I
think that Live Strong means loveand that poem Miss Nolen
reads us called We All Live Together." My scientist,
knowing Lance Armstrong had a disease says, "I think live
strong means that you fight the red germs and white germs."
The autistic student who struggles to write because his
head is constantly spinning with thoughts that are often
too complex for his teacher, let alone his classmates,
said, "I think Live Strong means do not give up." My quiet
rule follower said, "I think Live Strong means that when
you have a disease you still do things you like." I was
hoping he didnt feel like he needed to have a disease to
do what he really wanted. I knew Id never be able to teach
him that its okay, necessary actually, to break the rules
sometimes. The typical six-year-old boy said, I think live
strong means to have big muscles. While my empathetic boy,
who can't read or write said,' I think Live Strong means
you don't let your goals down." My detail oriented child
remarked, "I think live strong means if you want to live
strong you shouldn't smoke." They are all thinkers. Some
are philosophers, in which case they said nothing at all,
because they couldn't come up with anything that they
thought was brilliant enough.
The children I teach have taught me a great deal about
living strong. They have a unique perspective because many
of them have been untouched by the injustices life can
offer and by the hardships we face as adults. Their joy is
abundant and they are easy to please. On a smaller scale, I
watch their strength emerge in the funniest places. They
stop eating when they are full, they stop playing when they
are tired, they stop needing when their basic needs are
met, and they stop wanting when they are truly loved. At
six years old, the boys and girls hug each other without
embarrassment, help each other without judgement, and
compliment each other without fear. They can express how
they feel in their words and on their faces and through
their actions. Sometimes you just really need to listen to
figure it all out. They dont have ulterior motives, or
make false assumptions, or try to compete. When they are
told that their personal best is different than someone
elses, they somehow understand that. If they are expected
to do the best they can, they somehow do. When they are
knocked down, they get right up again. They are miniature
pictures of strength without ever really comprehending the
magnitude of that. Its only adults and the outside world
that eventually teach them to do otherwise, to think
differently, to defend themselves against a place that is
not as kind. I suppose the real strength is in opposing
that when it happens. On the last day of school, my regret
comes in realizing that I cant protect them or save them
or guide them in the way I have been privileged to over the
school year. At six years old, they are wearing those
bracelets. May it remind them to preserve their innocence,
hold sacred their enthusiasm, maintain their perseverance,
and live strong.
I am lucky enough to teach with someone who I believe is
one of my true soul mates in life, and we don't get many.
She believes that live strong means tolerance, which is
what we try to teach our children everyday. She also
commented on what we can learn from children about strength
when she said this, " By the time a child can talk and walk
he has been molded into a very unique and special person.
When that child gets to preschool or before, that child has
been exposed to many other children and adults. If you ever
see two small children playing you will see that even
though they may be very different, neither of them would
see it. I have noticed how joyful a small child will look
at another child of a similar age- even if they are
strangers. When do we lose the ability to tolerate
differences? When do we start to be so egocentric? When do
we begin to feel insecure about our own differences? I
believe it begins at home with the parents. Parents will
make negative remarks or judgements about complete
strangers, a friend, their childs teacher or even to their
own child or spouse. What are the children learning? They
are learning that there is only one way to look at things
(their own)."
Living Each Day as if its Your Last
" Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our
faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the
presence of fate is strength undefeatable. "
-Helen Keller
Strength is defined as having great physical, moral, or
intellectual power. And life, essentially, is what
separates us from being dead. In other words, the
dictionary defines living strong as having a moral,
intellectual, and/or physical power that drives us in the
time we are given to breath. However, fatal disease or not,
we are all unaware of how long that time is. I have said
that if I could look into the future and know that I would
never get married and have children of my own, I would quit
my job today, and move to a third world country to help
children who truly need it the most. That must be what
living strong is all about. The other side of that is that
the minute you give up the hope that you wont get to
fulfill what you are sure your purpose is, something inside
you changes and breaks. I know I could never teach people
to hope when all my hope is gone. I have said, if I knew I
wouldnt live that long I would quit this conventional life
and do as my brother has, travel the world, see for myself
how other people live, only make time in your life for
places and things you love. I can counter this by saying my
brother has always been on an eternal quest for home, while
I have been lucky enough to feel home everyday. I see home
in the route I drive to school, in the smell of my hometown
in the fall, in my mother's hugs, in the eyes of my
friends. My brother has chosen to surf and sculpt and
travel because its what makes him happy, he sees home in
places I could never dream of. Fulfilling my own happiness,
in many ways, has come from making other people happy. Its
our differences that make us human, however difficult they
are to accept. My dad always said that I wore my heart on
my sleeve, but I always felt that is was my brother who had
the strength to say it out loud. One night when he was very
young he turned to my parents and I before he went to bed,
and said, I love you, paused for a moment, then turned
back and said always will. I worry about him everyday,
being so far away, living dangerously, and committing to a
lifestyle so young. But I never worry about him living
strong.
I feel that my brother would think that living strong means
living each day like it was your last, and many other
peoples responses had this common theme. They felt that
wearing this bracelet has been a reminder to keep going
when the going gets tough. One of my best friends runs
marathons, and I figured she would write about how living
strong is about taking care of your body physically. She
said that to live strong meant to her to run hard, run
strong, and just keep running. To her this is as much a
metaphor in life as it is in health. Her mother suffered
and recovered from cancer, she has had a personal
connection to what this disease does to ones body and
soul. She has viewed that struggle as an opportunity to
learn that life can turn in an instant, and living strong
means being aware that we are fortunate to be healthy and
happy. She believes living each day like this is your last
means passing this awareness onto others in order to
support cancer research, and to take care of yourself
physically and emotionally in order to be the best that you
can. She said wearing this bracelet on your wrist is a
reminder of keeping it on the forefront of your mind.-
Knowing what really matters, loving who you are, doing what
you can. She does these things everyday.
When I read what she wrote about running hard and strong
and to just keep running I was reminded of another friend
who goes through life this way. I can refer to him as the
politician. Not only because he is political, but also
because he has that magical ability to charm and mesmerize,
influence and inspire. He said, the value of inspiring
others is what has given me the greatest sense of
accomplishment. Much of what he wrote and who is he is
reminds me of a quote I came across by another political
figure, Thomas Paine, who said, I love the man who can
smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress,
and grow brave by reflection. Tis the business of little
minds to shrink, but he whose heart is firm, and whose
conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles
unto death. I know that he feels that his own motivation
and inspiration to accomplish has come from both the people
that believed in him and the people that didnt. He has
made a career out of proving people wrong. He does this
with me everyday. He agreed with the the runner that the
bracelets truly helped us young adults to put human life
in perspectiveto me, the spiritual and inspirational gain
is the greatest protection from the disease. My bracelet
reminds me of how lucky I am in life. It reminds me of
who I am and reminds me to never, ever give up. He doesnt
give up, and he doesnt do anything half way. We share a
song we love that says But theres one thing I know for
sure girl. I don't give a damn, for the same old played out
scenes. I don't give a damn, for just the in between.
Honey, I want the heart, I want the soul, I want control
right now. Talk about a dream, try to make it real, you
wake up in the night, with a fear so real. Spend your life
waiting for a moment that just don't come. Well, don't
waste your time waiting. (Badlands- Bruce Springsteen)
Going after what you want in life instead of waiting was
also a common theme in responses. T.S. Eliot said, "If you
haven't the strength to impose your own terms upon life,
you must accept the terms it offers you." People who felt
that living strong meant living each day like your last
also believed that in the time they were allotted they were
responsible for seizing the day shall we say. Another
guy friend said, " To me, to live strong means to attack
life. Not to wait around being idle and reacting to life,
but to go after it and make it happen. To not let the cards
you are dealt dictate how you play your hand, but rather to
make those cards work for you. There is a world of
opportunityyou must go after it and seize it yourself." My
dad's response went along the same lines. He said, " Be an
active participant in life; not a bystander. Don't wait and
hope for things to happen; make them happen. Seek out
challenges; don't avoid them. Set goals and develop an
action plan for how to achieve them. Don't shy away from
tough decisions and always do the right thing. Never accept
things as they are and never give up." I actually was never
able to put my finger on where I learned this outlook on
life until I got this response from my dad. Sometimes
parents give you gifts in your childhood that are not
unwrapped until your old enough to understand them for what
they are. I have never once seen my father "waste his time
waiting." He has modeled the importance of getting
involved, of making decisions (he use to suggest I make a
pro's and con's list with just about everything in order to
make up my mind), and accepting challenges. My dad has
taught me, along with the friends that I mentioned here,
that the only choice you have when you work and love and
risk, is to do your absolute best, and nothing less is
acceptable.
I believe that its easy to assume that if this was your
last day on earth you would save the world or jump out of
an airplane or surf the biggest wave you could find. You
think you would do what you have feared the most, or
finally accomplish what you have wanted, or have reached
all your goals. Or if this was my last day would I ditch
the airplane and just be with the people I loved. Would I
skip the wave and look at pictures and be proud of the life
I have already lived, not the one I didnt get to? I know
that the people I discussed here, although motivated to run
that last mile, or make a lot of money, or accept every
challenge, or make the most of what they were given, would
want to know on their last day that they did the best they
could. Ask yourself what you would truly do on your last
day. How would you feel about the life you have lived
without knowing how long it was going to be?
Staying true to what you believe in
"Everyone should carefully observe which way his heart
draws him, and then choose that way with all his strength."
- Hasidic Saying
A handful of people wrote about how living strong means
fighting for what you believe in, staying strong in your
convictions, and having the personal courage to do what you
know is right. Have you ever tried to make a list of your
convictions? Often times we are not even aware of what they
are. But when I thought about the beliefs of the people
that wrote this, even though they are all very different
and often contradictory beliefs, I started to see that they
truly do fight for them everyday. I remember being told
that if you dont stand for something youll fall for
anything. Once again, the believing is half the battle; the
doing comes more naturally than we assume.
People that spend time fighting for what they believe in
are often perceived as strong personalities. Needless to
say, that defines many of the people that wrote what they
did. I see that term as the highest compliment, although
other people hear hard to get along with close minded
determined no matter what. In my experience it has been
quite the opposite. I have been blessed with opportunity to
work with and work for strong women who have instilled
their strength in me. The people who have the strongest
beliefs are most often the ones that are willing to hear,
understand, empathize, and develop yours. Woodrow Wilson
said, The man who is swimming against the stream knows the
strength of it. It takes strength to choose which issues
you will swim against the stream for, but for all these
people, its the issues they value most.
My principal said strength is taking the high road even
when it feels lonely." I know that I have been paralyzed by
public opinion so often. It has caused me to back down from
doing something that I know is right. Since I am so aware
of everyone elses thoughts and feelings, I can become
obsessed with trying to cater to them, appease them or
please them, that I often lose sight of the message I
originally wanted heard, the battle I originally wanted
fought. The second grade teacher that I spoke of earlier
gave an example of how this is manifested in our
classrooms. "Living Strong means to stand up for the
underdog even if it means you yourself may be bullied. I
have seen a group of second grade friends do this to
another child and one of those friends step forward and
tell the rest how wrong it was and how sad she was to be a
part of a group that treats others in such a negative way.
Instead of the friends yelling at her, they felt stupid and
shallow and apologized to the child. She was a terrific
example of living strong. She saw something wrong and was
not afraid to go against the popular view and stand up for
what she believed. Do these children tease or bully others
because they are insecure or because they think their way
is the only way? Living Strong means to see things through
someone elses eyes. " Both my principal and this teacher
model this type of strength everyday. Somehow through
laughing and loving strong, they have managed to be the
anchor to which I have clung to when I am ready to suggest
another change, or go down a lonely road. Knowing how
important is to speak up when no ones listening,
advocating for those who have no voice, and following your
heart when you head says something else, they have taught
me to analyze other people needs, even empathize with their
feelings, but then fight for what I believe in anyway. It's
how those in leadership roles are successful; they
understand that greatness lies not in being strong, but in
the right use of that strength.
Finding a Balance
I know living strong is finding a balance, a balance
between your mental, emotional, and physical strength. It's
all interconnected. "Inward calm cannot be maintained
unless physical strength is constantly and intelligently
replenished." (Anonymous). I spend a lot of time wondering
why the self-discipline that defines my professional life
doesnt naturally carry over to my personal life. I regret
the choices I have made to skip the gym and work late, skip
food shopping and eat out, skip dealing and just forget,
skip facing what I feel and just deny. I find that much of
the physical part and even the emotional part come second
to a sense of happiness, priority, clarity and sanity that
I desperately try to maintain. Losing those things is not
an option when I feel like it's all I have to give. Its
funny though how you can convince yourself your happy and
sane and clear when the state of denial you are in is so
great, when the retreating you have done has allowed you to
justify, when choosing just to move on has allowed you to
forget. I wonder why I can't find the motivation to fix
problems for myself when my whole life is dedicated to
fixing everyone elses? It's a weakness we all struggle
with everyday. Knowing exactly what you need to do to
improve, knowing exactly the plan we have to follow to
happiness, and then not choosing it. Human nature is a pain
in the ass in that way, there is a huge disconnect between
the knowing and the actual doing. I have always believed
it's much easier to learn lessons than it is to live them.
A colleague (a working mother) I work with commented on
this need for balance in your life in order to live strong.
Teaching and living is a balancing act all on its own. The
minute I think I don't know how to put myself first at my
age I think of women with children. You have no idea what
it's really like to live for someone else until this
happens in your life. If Lance Armstrong's triumph with
cancer reminds you to go on despite the obstacles in your
own life, thinking of how mothers must put their children
first should inspire you to put yourself first while you
have the time. She said, " Living strong means living in
balance. You have to know yourself and be true to your own
needs and desires. Living strong, to me, means living a
fulfilling life. When you are living strong, you are
pleasing yourself AND you are taking the time to please
others. When you find that pleasing others is truly
pleasing to you, you know that you are living strongit is
about organization, discipline, and persistence. You need
all three to keep your goals in sight as you navigate the
often unpredictable and difficult path that life sets
before you. If I had to give just one word to describe
living strong, it would be balance." Several people that
responded wrote that living strong means being true to
yourself, and being true to yourself means choosing a
balanced life.
Staying True to Who You Are
"Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of
you."
-Mary Engelbright
It is hard to find words to explain how interesting and
inspiring and touching it was to read these responses. I
know that everyone wrote from the bottom of their hearts.
Being brave enough to do that is living strong. We cannot
wake up everyday and live it like it was our last, we
cannot face each day in a fight for what we believe in, and
we cannot be balanced, thankful and tolerant everyday. What
we can do everyday is be true to ourselves and hope that in
our continual journey, we will try our best to live strong.
I have watched some of these people through relationships
and friendships in which they had to find the strength to
decide whether to stay or leave. They have watched me. I
have seen them battle with feelings of guilt or failure or
fear when they realize they are not in love with someone.
Leaving and moving on and letting go is living strong if
you are choosing to be true to yourself. I have watched
them overcome moments of desperation and denial, and
embrace moments of peace and freedom, when they realize
that they are; that this love is worth saving. I found a
quote that said it well"Do you want me to tell you
something really subversive? Love is everything it's
cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about
it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, and
risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't
risk everything, you risk even more."-- Erica Jong In
either case, they have emerged with a sense of strength
that was unmatched by any other battle they fought. One of
my best friends said, " Living strong to me means having
the confidence to be true to yourself, and being yourself
no matter what. It takes real courage to say, "this is who
I am."
I have watched these people fight whole heartily for causes
they believe in, laugh and love in the face of heartache,
and know when to put, as my principal put it, "first things
first." I have learned that we often don't know that we
are capable of living strong until we are faced with a
situation that forces our strength to emerge. It's then
that we recognize the significance of what we have, and
whom we love, and the mechanisms we have to survive. Its
then that we know that living strong is perseverance, its
holding onto who we are in order to overcome what we've
lost or what we just don't understand. All of the people
that have contributed to teaching me strength thus far have
understood this. My wish is to LIVE to tell them, " I love
you" and be STRONG enough to turn back and say, "and I
always, always will."
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Bridget Nolen in a twenty seven year old school teacher who
lives in Philadelphia,PA. Her articles reflect on living
and learning in your twenties. To comment on her articles,
please contact her at nolenavalon@yahoo.com
More articles by Bridget Nolen - http://www.submityourarticle.com/articles/Bridget-Nolen-331/
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