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Passing Moments of Fatherly Reflection
I was looking forward to a dull evening the other night. For the first time in I dont know how many nights, the kids didnt have anywhere to go. That meant that my wife and I didnt have anywhere to go. It was like a one evening vacation. So, we did what many American families do during one evening vacations; we sat around the kitchen table and played Texas Hold Em.
No real money was involved. But as I watched my children fairly and squarely take every one of my chips, I began reflecting on getting older. Losing to his children in poker makes a father reflective. Especially when they laugh at you really loud. And they point.
Parents experience an increasing number of reflective moments as their children grow older. If parents dont, then theyre just not paying enough attention.
A father realizes hes getting older when the clothes hes put away until they come back in style actually come back in style. However, odds are the clothes dont fit.
A father knows hes getting older when his supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size, and hes quit trying to hold in his stomach, no matter who walks in the room. When a Dad knows the lyrics to elevator music or constantly complains about the price of gasoline, he knows that hes getting up there in age.
When a kid can kick his fathers you-know-what in a card game as well as a basketball game, then its time to reflect.
A fathers life has many reflective moments.
When the first child is born, a father embraces that newborn baby, sits backs and wonders how am I going to take care of this kid when Ive barely learned how to take care of myself? But a father learns thanks to trial and error, as long as the errors arent too severe.
Another reflective moment comes when that child has that first real display of independence. Mine came when my oldest son was in kindergarten. I took him to school every morning and walked him to his classroom, like all of the other parents. Sometimes Id help hang up his stuff, and then walk out the door watching him the whole time. Then one morning, as I dropped him off he turned and said, You dont have to walk me in Dad. Ill go by myself.
Talk about a beautiful shot to the heart.
After kindergarten the kids get increasingly smarter. There comes a time when a child goes to a parent for help with homework and that parent is baffled.
I dont understand how to do this science, the parent says.
Well, thats okay. This is math anyway, the child answers.
I experienced a major reflective moment the other day. I was driving in my car, headed to the grocery store, when a motorist traveling in the opposite lane in the other direction smiled and gave a friendly wave. That other driver was my son, headed home after a long day of classes and after school activities. It took seconds for our paths to cross and during that fleeting time I aged several years. Thats a greater showing of independence, even more than telling me not to walk him to his classroom.
I am at the age where my joints are more accurate than the local TV stations Dopplar Radar and that twinkle in my eye is only the reflection of the sun on my reading glasses. I am also at the age where my children are not just kids; they are pretty interesting people with thoughts, ideas and opinions.
They are also pretty good Texas Hold Em players. A father who has been completely outwitted by his children and who has no chips in front of him has plenty of time to sit back and reflect.
(Tim is the author of "From Wedgies to Feeding Frenzies: A Semi-Survival Guide for Parents of Teens." To learn more about the book, email Tim at thedadof4@yahoo.com or log onto his website at www.timherrera.com.)
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